Half way through May already!!

MIL's in hospital again, the two weeks at SIL's didn't work resting up wise, though she was baby sitting, doing the rounds shopping with Sil, going from one Sil to the other Sil for dinner and on her feet all the time because she couldn't rest around two boisterous boys and of course Sil doesn't like being in when Bil's home so they were out every chance they got (strange marriage). No wonder a full arm cast didn't work and her bones moved out of alignment, so at her check up yesterday they decided it was pins and a frame to fix her. Would have been nice if they bothered to phone their brother though, Matt found out at 10pm last night after he called at 8pm to see how the appointment went. Both Sil's had known since 10am!!!!! By the time they told us, Mil was in hospital, had the op (huge chance of dying whilst under, due to meds and illnesses) and was on the ward sleeping. We've been delegated our visiting time only problem is it's not possible to visit while I'm out driving and Matt's got the girls so Matt's going over tonight on his own. Ohhh how I could rant about this, but no I'll bit my lip let the family get on with it, all I know is if my sister or brothers didn't tell me something like this I'd go nuts!!!!


Other news: - I've completed some of my bag orders and sent them into school, everything I sent yesterday was sold so here's hoping I sell more today and get some more orders, lol. Nothing much happening or planned here, Soph's quiet happy, trying to sleep in her fleece all the time as her ears still playing up a little, but other than that she's fine. El's on top form today, she's been up since the crack of dawn!!!! Ready and raring to go to school at 8am, jumping up and down on the door step when the taxi came, lol, she loves school and I'm so happy she does, the teachers are fab with her, the kids are lovely, the schools just perfect for her and us for that matter.

Right best get off, we've an hour with Mickey Mouse and a nap to look forward to here with Soph, lol.

Good News At Last!!!!!!!!!

Well what a turn around yesterday was, from a morning where I thought nowt else could go wrong it turned around and everything went right!!!

First off I sent an email to the blue badge people yesterday in hope, lol and we have been accepted, all I have to do is send two pics of El off and £2. The woman that called was fab, really sympathetic and knew all about El from SS's case notes and said we have 100% been accepted, wooohoooo. Just got to do the finer details of it to get it in our car now.

Then I had a text to say Cheryl's c section went well and that Eleri Rebecca-Rose Kathleen has been born at:11.22 am and mum, baby and dad were doing well. CONGRATS to both Cheryl and Mark and massive cuddles to Eleri, Mim and Rhi!!!!! And yep I've seen the pic's she's stunning, a real beauty another precious rose in the family, Mark your gonna need massive muscles to fight off all the boys knocking your front door for them when their older. lol.

Also had call from El's school wanting me to send some of my hand made bags in for the kids, so sent them in today and had another call saying their all placing orders, teachers, kids, council staff, everyone there wants one, wooohooo. It's strange though showing someone your work, I was so embarrassed sending my things in, things I'd made, it took me ages to pick samples, lol. And then for them to phone saying they loved them and the kids in school were going crazy about them and the staff were like wild things going through the designs, I was like OMFG!!!!! lol. Well work is work and money is money and for a thanks to them, cos it's El's teachers that started this I've offered my sewing hands to help in class, making aprons, dressing up things and curtains and bits for the class.

Then my mum phoned with brill news, which I can't go into yet cos we're waiting on one thing to happen, don't want to jinx ourselves, but lets just say we're ecstatic, we really are. Justice is being done at last!!! Then a whole new chapter or should that be saga will begin, lol.

I also became a committee member for our local PALS this week, minimum term is 3 years so here I go, lol. I'm now busily coming up with fund raising ideas and trying to find and organising grants etc as well as looking for donations for things we need to get going, we have a new permanent base to call home and desperately need equipment for the office and play areas as well as gardens, not to mention man power!!!

So all in all yesterday wasn't too bad, though my mind is made up I've left said forum and you know what they haven't even noticed, lol, that's how much I'm missed. With friends like that who needs enemies right!!

On Top Of Everthing Now This............

.........................we've been turned down by the children's disability social workers team again!!!!

This is the second time now, shes been turned down by the panel, though we've yet to be given a reason. To say I'm gutted is an understatement!!!!! I sort of knew when she came to assess us that we wouldn't go far as she kept commenting on the fact we lived in an area she hadn't been to before for work and that she said we were middle class compared to her usual clients :o( Sorry we're not middle class though, we're a normal working class family thats struggling with things and then she turns us down and on top of everything right now I've had enough.

I could happily close the door, shut down the internet and hide away right now.

Somtimes you just know when...............

.....................you gotta go!!!!

And I think my time may be now.

As most people do I post on a few forums, I mod a few, I'm a regular member of others, I'm active and take part in all the usual board things that go on and generally all over my face fits and I'm happy and have good friends, but there's one, just one where it doesn't and quite frankly it's getting to me. I've been a member there for over 8 months and I'm in the same boat as every other member there, I have a child with the same condition as theirs, I face the same hurdles as they do, I get the same joy and happiness from seeing my daughter achieve something as well as the sadness, anger and hurt she can give me and yet I'm an outsider!!!!!

Unanswered posts, ignored or just laughed at, picked upon or I get a two line comment pulling fun of something and honestly it sometimes feels like a school yard where if your not in the "in crowd" and your face doesn't fit then your pushed to the way side and cast out. Here we are fighting for our children and their futures and saying how big and brave we are standing up to "big brother" to get results when their doing this to other members, it's pathetic and just plain nasty and horrible and they will and should be ashamed of their actions.

I make a point of replying to what I can, giving every member support, passing on advice and tips where I've been helped before on certain things, helping people out, being there when anyone in need calls for a shoulder to cry on or answering their questions ohhhhhhh and passing on bloody great details of how to do things and get more help and yet I can't get the same decency back.

Well I get the hint!!!!!

I've had enough!!!!!!

No doubt those concerned will find this and be reading and I don't care, it's about time you knew the truth, for too long I've been thinking "no it's in my head", but when you post something and get 2 replies and over 60 hits on the page or post something else and get NO replies and over 30 hits, you kinda can get the hint. There's no need to mail and ask where I am or if I'm referring to the board you post on because I'm sure the guilty ones will know and make it clear with some topical debate on a matter very similar to this.

So good bye cruel board, it's good night from me.

Members of that board I hope your children get everything they deserve, want and need out of life, they deserve happiness and peace. For you members I hope what goes around comes around and one day when you feel no one is listening, helping you out or supporting you when you've shown it to them that you feel like me right now and are disgusted with yourselves for making another person feel such things.

Ahhh that's better.................... it's off my chest and I can move on to better and broader fields, Adios.

Whats going on!!??

I do not know!!!

Gees where do I start.

So much is happening I'm sure my head is spinning on my shoulders some days.

Joking aside though it's true, half the time I'm either a day ahead of myself and don't know what I'm doing nor what day it actually is or I'm chasing my tail going over things I've already done and a day behind playing catch up then.

And gosh I haven't been on for over a month, thats ages and it feels like such a shot time, though my days are dragging!!!!

Right Update (ready for this mammoth, lol)

The girls don't stop fighting and at 4 and 2 it's really physical, Soph's biting lumps out of El in frustration all the time, because El has a total disregard for her and her needs and wants, so then El will kick her or punch her and then Soph pulls her hair, and they both end up crying and being put on the stairs or having the TV off etc. Ohhhhhhh it's never ending everyday is the same and I dread the weekends when El's off school. I'm a referee now, not mum all I say is "girls stop it, your sisters, leave her alone, don't do that, stop!!!!!" even Taffy the blinking budgie shouts "the girls" and " your sisters". Now though El thinks she can get away with anything by saying "but mummy I love you" with a deep and meaningful yet shrilling cry and Soph by saying "I promise mammy" with fluttery eye lashes, Ohhhhhh My Girls they do try to wrap us round their fingers.

To say when their together their doing my head in is an understatement. Though for the past 3 days they've actually been quiet good because their ill!!!!! El been quiet poorly with a really bad cough thats just comes and goes and has done for 4 weeks now and yet this week it's taken a step up a gear and not let up. So off we went to the GP expecting anti-b's, but now she's on steroids for her asthma (brown pump) instead as well as her blue pump both with different chambers (which are huge, where do you store them) and allergy meds aswell as regular calpol and cough meds for now to clear her chesty cough. Doc says she's an allergic/coughing asthmatic and wants to see her next week if there's no improvement in her, he's pretty sure thats what she is as her symptoms are 10 times worse after about 5 o'clock which he says is classic asthma as it attacks at night, her chest sounds clear and yet her cough is chesty/phlegmie suggesting asthma again. She spends all night now coughing, being sick (coughing too much) and crying out being unsettled, though today she woke up at 11am Thats how ill she is, my girl that gets up at the crack of dawn is sleeping in till nearly dinner!!!

So right now she's off school, though the stupid education people gave us a number to call if ever El had a day off to inform her transport (good ole Arthur), we'd been phoning this number every morning at 7am and leaving messages and yet the bus was still coming (not that we saw as we've been in bed at that time, but found out it was still coming to the street). I finally saw El handler on the bus yesterday in town and explained to her only to find out they'd given us totally the wrong number and the number we'd been calling was never registered to the company. I called the company as she gave me a card with the number on, I apologized profusely explained what happened and the guy said lucky I called as if El were to miss so many days without notice, transport would have been canceled all together!!!!! Feck's at education!!!! I will shoot off a complaint ot them thats for sure.

Soph okay just has a mild cough so she's just got over the counter meds and she'll bounce back in no time as always, but at least their unwell enough not to fight at the mo.

Also last Saturday was our first daughter 8th birthday/anniversary which was a total mixed bag of emotions, it's the first year that I've felt empowered and strong on the run up to her day and didn't fall apart like a blubbering wreak, (that was afterwards on Sunday). Saturday we did the usual at her grave side, placed flowers, tidied up, looked at the other Angel's graves, so many new ones in such a short space of time, bring you down with a bump, you know. And then we took the girls to an outdoor museum called St Fagan's for the day where we sat by the lake and walked around the castle and houses there, went on a horse and cart ride, looked around the farm, threw a pot and had family fun.

It was a pretty chilled day considering everything that was going on back home.

3 days before that MIL was knocked over by some lad running into the jobcentre and snapped her hand off (ok wasn't literally snapped off, but every bone was broke in her wrist and only her skin was keeping it on ). So she spent until Saturday in hospital, had 3 hours of manipulation and x rays under local and gas and air and was plastered upto her arm pit. They can't put her under as she would probably have complications now given the meds she's on for cancer treatment, heart attacks, oestio-thingymawotsit and a few other things, and if this last manipulation doesn't work it's a calculated risk putting her under to fix it with a mechano set, so heres to her cons appointment next Wednesday, where the x ray will show it's knitting together hopefully.

Think thats it apart from a few other personal bits between me and hubs, lots of cross words, making up, more cross words etc, we're having a tough time tbh. He's having a rough trot in work some collegues playing up and having affairs, causing a mess, put that with his head finally coming out of the sand about El and well you've got a stressed man. He's never needed to understand before now because I've done everything that needs doing from controlling her, teaching her, appointments and Dr's, basically everything and now I telling him I'm not coping alone anymore he has to acknowledge things and help out, not that he doesn't help out at all, he just doesn't know how to do things the right way with El, iykwim. They clash too much and end up storming away from each other rather than sorting anything out.

Ooooohhhhhhhh nearly forgot the biggy, our case against El's old school is nearly over and a solicitor will be involved on our behalf, we're seeking out a good ASD knowledgeable solicitor in South Wales right now, my mum's on the case for that. We're probably going to sue for discrimination because of a disabilty, bullying, and a few other things like management ignoring us and not taking our concerns seriously nor acknowledging El had a problem.

So here's to their day in court when we'll walk away smiling.

Right think I've updated enough, lol.

Will have to pick myself up and update more regularly.