Soooooo where have I been..................

In one word ILL

Yep me friends I'm ill, yet a bloody gain and it's doing my head in now, never seems to fully leave me and then comes back just as I think I'm okay!!!! Arghhhhh nightmare times, I'm really fed up of popping pills and sucking throat sweets!!!!

The weeks been okay so far, Sophie's birthday tomorrow, 2 tomorrow, doesn't seem like we've had her that long, lol. So been busy getting little bits together for her, chatting on the net in the evenings and of course feeding the hungry hoards when they get in. Didn't have my driving lesson again this week, the BSM instructor let me down again so I complained and got a new one, testing him out on Monday 2:30pm!!!

The Weekend: - no different from any other, went out a little later than usual with Em, got in late as usual, wasn't that drunk either but had a good night.

Oh I'm sooooo spoilt

And I know it!!!! :o) lol.

We've been looking at getting a new camcorder, but you know what it's like do we get the mini dv, hi 8, hdd or dvd. Well I did a bit of research and decided on one last night, Currys do a payment plan so I thought bugger the price I'll pay it off in 10 months :o) Matt had half day so took me to Currys where I pointed out the one I wanted the Sony DVD106E, lush!!!!!! I started to chase Soph around the store then cos she was getting bored of waiting for the guy to serve us, popping back to see how Matt was doing. Kind of figured out that Matt was being served and now he was haggling, oh the shame!!!! Well I got my dvd camcorder the one I wanted, ex display as it was the last one, but as the camera only came into the store today, hey it had only been there a few hours, I also had a case and 6 dvd's, so loaded and ready to go for a fabulous price as Matt did actually get his discount, lol. What a man!!! lol Though when he does his haggle which btw he does in nearly every shop he can, I just die it's so embarrassing I want the ground to open up and swallow me and yet he saves us pounds he's a cheeky sod my man. Suppose that's why I love him, :o)

Whats been going on here then??

Not a lot really, lol :o)

Well El's doing well in school, loving the bus ride to and from school more than school it's self I think, she still isn't talking about her days or anything for that matter, though yesterday she didn't mention her teacher's name!! woohooo!!! Oh and we've had a Clio out of her, don't know whether it's a friend or a car!!?? Ummm will hopefully speak to her teacher soon to find out, though I know she's doing well as I've messages coming home with my nephew, who says she's got lots of friends, but he doesn't play with her cos he's a boy and she can't run fast, lmao. Kids !!!! :o)

She's coming out with some strange facts though since starting. Yesterday we saw my bro's girlf and she was in her beauticians outfit, now El knows Bridy and yet turned to her and said "oh hello Dr, you gonna kill people or take babies out of mummies tummies" lol, haven't a clue where she got that from other than school. She was adamant that Bridy was a Dr in her white top and kept quizzing her on killing people and babies!! Very strange topic's for a reception class to chat about, think it may well be playground talk from other children, lol. Their topic's that are going to stick in her head a good while then cos she loves Dr's, I'm sure she has white coat syndrome!!

Soph's being a darling as usual, she's had her catch up jab, though punched the Nurse in the face and told her to "get off" and "stop it" as the needle went in, lol. Don't blame her the needle was huge and going in her little tiny arm and I hate needles, she didn't half cry while it was being done and a little bit afterwards, poor buggar. Had her weighed and measures whilst there and she's 87 cm tall and 27lbs 3 oz so right smack bang on target for her age. Got her development check now on the 23rd which she'll fly, she's so far forward and chatty. it's only now I'm see just how different my girls are, Soph's so in front of herself and you can have a conversation with her, she understands everything you say and is really quiet sensible for her age, which sounds strange, but she knows to hold hands and that roads are dangerous and cars can hurt you. So, so different from El who'll run into roads, refuse to hold hands and pull you along on the wrist strap, but that's where the understanding of social and day to day life comes in and El doesn't understand that yet, while Soph does.

Matt's working his butt off in work as usual, taking half day today if possible, so we can go get a new dvd camcorder as our others broken :o( not a happy bunny the viewers gone, it's picking up sound and playing tapes and recording but it's just black and yes the lens caps off!!!! lol. Will take it to Walters Photography to see if they can repair it, if so we'll sell it or El can have it for her animations and scenes she makes, lol.

What else, ummmmm nothing much out of the ordinary really, the usual cooking, cleaning, washing, diy-ing, painting, making beds and potching about. Keeping busy going for walks and actually having a nap when Soph lets me, ohhhhh the bliss of a quiet house!!! It's really bittersweet at the moment cos I miss El so much and can see just how different she is, but I welcome this break and quiet time. What am I going to do for school holidays!!?? lol :o)

Tuesday!!!!! My fave day of the week.

Well what can I say about today?

Lets see, El's second morning of school and it's started, meltdowns already!!!!!! Major style, she kicked off, cried, screamed, moaned, fussed and struggled, she proclaimed she didn't want to get dressed, she didn't want anything to eat, she would not go to the loo or brush her teeth. And yet after all that and finally struggling to get her dressed, washed and ready for school, she happily skips into the taxi without a backwards glance and not a chance of a goodbye wave!!!! Her teacher phoned after dinner to say she hadn't eaten anything, but that she thoroughly enjoyed horse riding and could they take her on a school trip that afternoon with cameras to take pictures!!! WOW an amazing school or what!!?? 2 trips in one day, lucky kids.

Soph's been a gem all day, she's a chatty little character when El's not about, full of life and quirky little ways, she talks my head off all day now, I don't raise my voice or ever have to tell her no, she just seems to know whats what and goes about her day in her own little way, lol.

Clearing Something Up.

Right here we have it.............................lol.

A few friends and people have emailed or dropped a message by saying , oh El will talk, let her settle and she's tell you everything and you'll be okay, she'll get there and open up and excitedly tell you everything. Well the truth is it won't happen.

Yes El can talk, she can speak and she can convey her wants and can chat away as if nothing is wrong with her, but the fact is she can't talk from the top of her head. She can't say what she's done, where she's been, how she feels, who she's been with, what she ate. Her language is a learnt repetitive language, phrases she picks up from other people, the tv, songs, daily life things, but nothing, none of what she says is her's and this is my daughters language, this is called Echolalia.

To people on the outside she seems chatty, knowledgeable, grown up, but most of all NORMAL, well question her and see what happens. She can't tell you or explain or elaborate, she can talk about dinosaurs for hours, but you ask her a question and she looks at you vaguely not having a clue what you've said. She's clever, intelligent and a little too quick, she gets away using her language and people think nothing of it, she uses her echolalia in the right context and where she knows certain things/answers have to follow certain questions/words, just wander off the beaten track and what she does know and you confuse her beyond belief.

I can't communicate with my daughter without having to ask her over and over and over again until I know she knows what I mean or I just give up, I can't just ask her a simple question and get an answer. She will never tell me all the things children do, because she just doesn't know how and it kills me to not hear it all. I know in time she will learn and we will get there, but for now I just can't stop thinking about all the things she should be saying and telling me, all the things I should know are going on, her feelings, emotions, her joys and saddnesses.

It's like living in silence and it's deafening at times!!!

Having a Blubber

Well it's the end of El's first day at school and she had a good day, I think from, well from what I can gather anyway she had an okay day. I can't actually get her to tell me anything about her day though!!! She's just repeating what I say with "yeah" added or followed by "I know".

I had a bit of a wobble and a cry about it just after she came in, because she couldn't tell me what she had for dinner, nor her class mates names (and there's only 9 of them), she didn't know her teachers name nor the assistant even though we've been telling her for over a week with social stories and pictures to get her used to school. She just looks at you blankly trying to read your face for the answer. She couldn't even tell me if she saw my nephew Lewis, her cousin and their really close and I know he was looking forward to see her in school, he's in the next class to her and in the play ground with her, and she just couldn't say "yeah I saw him", she just looked at me as if I'd spoken another language :o( It just makes me really sad as I thought it would be the one thing she would be excited over, she's been rabbiting on all week about Lewis's school and now nothing. :o(

Well okay I had a massive cry. It really hit home how different she is and it hurts, and I've been crying on and off since she got home, my sis sorted me out earlier when I was blubbering, she told me to get a grip and it'll come in time, very subtle my sis, I know what she means, I think, but I don't want to wait I want a reaction, some emotion, just anything to know she's okay and whats going on in her world. Well enough of me!!!!

It's a long day for El as well though, out the door at 8:10am on the taxi first and back at 4:30pm being the last one dropped off, is that really long or what?? When schools 9am to 3:30pm, and it's only about 3-4 miles away just goes to show what the traffic and school runs are like around here. She came in saying "mam I hungry", stripped off as her trousers were soaking where she'd been splashing in puddles and her feet like prunes where her socks were wet. She glued herself to the telly as if she'd never seen it and then ate some pizza, had a bath and waited for Matt to come home.

I feel like an emotional wreck, not knowing what she's doing in school and if she's okay. :o( She seems happy, but then she seemed happy in her last school and look what was happening there!!!!!

Soph on the other hand has had a fab day, Uncle Stew and Bridy took her out in the car where she was the bees knees for the day, the morning was hard for her as she searched the house for El and ended up sitting in El's bed playing with some toys singing "El's in de bus in de skool" because El went to school in the MPV taxi, lol. See even when she's seems so small, she knows more than she lets on!!!!

She Gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

El's first day in school has started.

And I don't know whether to cry because I do actually miss her or smile because I'm so happy she's in school and mixing with children and learning. She went without a care in the world, the assistant knocked the door, took her by the hand to the bus, opened the door and in she jumped, she said "hello" to the driver and "where we going? we going school", sat down, put her belt on and didn't even wave or shout good bye to us, off she went happy as can be. It's now 10 o'clock and the school haven't phoned so things must be going well, though I am itching to phone to see how things are going, think I can hold it off for a few hours and may phone around dinner time, lol.

Got my driving lesson today at 1pm so if your reading and local GET OFF THE ROAD!!!!!! Got my theory booked for the 15th of March, eeekkk, hope I pass!!!! I need to pass!!!! I need to drive, so pray for me, lol.

The Weekend

Once again it came around too fast and disappeared in a flash.

Saturday was a quiet homely day, watching some new films that were delivered, El wanted King Kong which lasted 3 hours and then we watched Witches, though she was only interested in the mouse bits, lol. We had had fun and played games and just chilled with the girls and let them do their own thing. A lot of it was spent preparing El for school, lots of chats, pictures, showing her the route and her things to take in her bag and then getting a bag she actually like and sewing her name on it, lol. Mad mum moment I think!! :o)

Saturday night I went out with Em as usual on the town, painting it red and met up with Matt later, we danced our butts off from 9:30 to 1:30am, lol, must have lost a few calories there!!!! Though we didn't drink too much, I only spent about 15 to 20 quid on vodka and cokes and that's including buying Matt a few drinks too at the end of the night too. Em got off with a lovely Scottish bloke, he was a good catch and seemed really nice, friendly gave her plenty of attention all night, but it didn't last more than 24 hours when he admitted he had a girlfriend, what a plonker why do men do that!!?? I totally feel for Em now, cos she feels she did wrong when she didn't even know what she was doing, men!!!!!!!! We watched the lunar eclipse which was amazing, Big Bo, made us watch it and got us out of the pub to see it and only let us back in once he was satisfied we'd seen it, lol. Was quiet nice actually to get out and have a bit of fresh air the pub was steaming hot!!! I think we rolled in at about 3am all because Matt decided to run the bar and serve everyone, restock the fridges, till up, and generally take over, lol. I don't know what the heck he was doing tbh, but we got home late!!!

Sunday I awoke to my man yet again snoring his head off, no hang over though!!! Cos I stopped drinking at 11pm, :o) See I am sensible and I slept all night too, whoooo hooooo. The girls were darlings for once, really good as gold, helpful and playing nicely, no fighting, that was until Daddy got up, why do kids play up when there's two adults in the room??

Had El help me make cooked dinner and deserts, chocolate mouse with whipped cream and raspberries, yummmmyyyy!!!!! :o) And then we spent the afternoon once again going through the school routine while Matt watched Top Gear, just so El was a little more settled and happy within herself.

Happy St David's Day

The 1st of March already!!!

Happy St David's Day Everyone.

Nothing much planned here to celebrate the day, just chilling out with the girls, having a nice home cooked meal and having some good family time. We're going to make some mugs and money boxes, paint them and fire them so we can give them to family for Easter, home made "kid's art" gifts, can't beat it, better than bleeding chocolate eggs coming out of your ears.

I think I had the worst night in history last night with hubs and his snoring, if anyone has a cure please post it, I'm dying here while we wait for Dr's to sort it. We went up to bed at 11pm and I think I clock watched all night and finally gave in and got up at 6:30am, I still haven't slept, nor has he offered to watch the girls while I go back to bed. If you've ever had murderous thoughts it must have been when the person next to you is so fast asleep and snoring so loudly that you could suffocate them just to get 30mins sleep. He wakes the girls, Soph's wakes crying thinking it's a dinosaur or dragon in the house when it's her Dad snoring and El wakes comes into our room and tells him to "shut up!!". It's getting beyond a joke now and it's definitely grounds for divorce, isn't it, lol.